Wednesday, February 12, 2014

How I'll Prevent My Divorce

I've had a few long term relationships. Some people would call me a "serial dater". But, if there's something that bothers me about that person that I don't believe I'll ever get over, I break up with them. Why? Because you don't want to marry someone when you aren't compatible as a couple in the first place. If you try on a pair of pants at the store and you like how it fits on your legs but hate the way it makes your butt look.. You aren't going to take them home with you anyway and just hope you can squeeze yourself into them after you've lost those two pounds. Why? Because you aren't compatible. Compatibility is so important to realize before the rings, not after. Pay attention to how he treats his mother. Is he clean? Does he drink a lot? Are you too blind to see any flaws beyond his good looks? And for the guys: is she sketchy with her phone? Does she act totally different around her friends? Have people warned you about her? People are making marriages look like a complete joke these days. "Let's just get married and if we can't figure it out in 9 months well get a divorce, no big deal!" A divorce should be the Last resort. After you've tried counseling and literally everything else possible. At one point in time you thought this person was who you wanted to spend your lifetime with. That doesn't just change over a course of months, or it never was real to begin with (which you should've realized before the day you said "I do"). If you've read anything about marriage in the Bible, you'd understand just how sacred marriage is in the eyes of God. Here are a few examples:

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Hebrews 13:4 
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Ephesians 5:25-33 
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. (Such a powerful verse!)

If everyone looked at marriage as the sacred gift that it is, I think my timeline would be filled with less divorce drama. I'm 22 years old. Several people who are my age (some younger, some slightly older)  have already had two husbands and more than one child. Just a little tip here: marrying someone just because you have a child together usually won't work. You actually need love to make a successful marriage. The majority of these girls are getting married after less than a year of knowing someone. I'm not going to lie, that freaks me out. You don't truly know someone in a year. I know this is frowned upon by some people but in my opinion, you should live with someone before committing your life to them and saying those vows. My mother tells me all the time that you don't know someone's true quirks and bad habits or even really know until you're living under the same roof...  And I believe it. EDIT: "Let me simply clarify that not everyone that lives together has sex. That wasn't mentioned anywhere in the blog. Fornication and cohabitation are two totally different subjects. The living together part was only added because of the vast number of couples who choose divorce after realizing their significant other is impossible to live with. 
I for one do not need to live with the man I'm with now before marrying him. I'm huge into details. I know the toppings he prefers on his sandwiches and I know that no matter how many times you tell him to put the toilet seat back down or not splatter water on the bathroom mirror, it'll still happen. I know these things because I know the person that I'm in love with. The living together part was mainly for those who marry someone without knowing their quirks and bad habits. Thank you all so much for the feedback! It's very valuable to me. 
Xoxo, Hope Rodriguez"

Most people begin to argue with their significant other (which eventually gets so awful that it leads to separation or divorce) after the end of the "cupcake phase". The cupcake phase is within the first few months to a year. It is when you get excited over their phone calls, you can text for hours, you want to hug for ten minutes and not let go, and you're flirting with each other nonstop. Once the cupcake phase is over, calls seem inconvenient. You forget to respond to most text messages. Hugs tend to last too long and flirting begins to seem more like a job and not something you enjoy. I've dated guys that would open my doors for me, carry my bags, walk me to my door.. and it was lovely (for the first few months until they stopped). This is when you have to start working on your relationship, or you're going to watch it slowly fail right before your eyes. Despite the fact that you've gotten to know someone intimately, your relationship is steadily falling apart and you don't realize it. The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail. You might think you know someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure from work or school or they're hungry, for goodness sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their moody days or the fact that they leave toothpaste in the sink. Love is patient and kind. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice. Love is seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship and move on to someone else. "For God so loved the world that he gave.." Love is giving. Love means giving up your own preferences and comfort for the sake of someone else's happiness and wellbeing. 

Guys: never stop courting your girl. 
Girls: never stop flirting with your guy.

Don't become a statistic. 

Hope Gabrielle


  1. Oh well! In my opinion, the key way to avoid a divorce is to keep the trust and accommodation among couples. Some people can't help but go through it and expend all means, with which to do so. In that case, people should do well to remember to keep their assets and interests intact, and to not let those go astray, or have those swept up by court decisions.

    Howard Kurtz @ Kurtz & Blum, PLLC

  2. Knowing your man before you say ‘I do’ is important, and can really keep you away from having a divorce. But in my opinion, it still better for married couples to prepare for the good and the bad. Just think of it as an assurance that whatever happens, they will get an equal rights of everything.

    Olga Becker @ Upton & Hatfield

  3. You have the perfect mindset about marriage, and nobody should tell you otherwise. Marriage is a serious commitment, and marrying someone for shallow reasons, such as how long you've been together is not a valid reason to use. Just as long as you know your love is true, then no one should stop you. Here's to finding your perfect man, Hope. All the best to you! :)

    Jerry Brady @ Lambert And Williams

  4. If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I was dying inside for my cheating wife , i had no prove, no one to run to. Everyone thought i was paranoid. until i was referred to a Private Investigator  Mr James . I told him about my situation and He understood me well and helped me spy on my wife.He hacked my wifes Gmail and Facebook account and linked all her WhatsApp and phone conversation to me, to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you to James for helping me get evidence against her,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him Mr James ( via Email.