I hope that you're doing well, although I know that you don't wish the same for me. I wasn't your first victim, and i'm certain I won't be your last. I wanted to begin this letter by first saying thank you. You may be shocked to see those words written to you, but yes, that's what I said. Thank you.
Thank you for every hateful word you said about me. Thank you for every hidden whisper that included my name. Thank you for the malice, the jealousy, the stares, and the laughter. I truly appreciate you for intentionally pointing out my every physical imperfection, and bringing to light every mistake i've ever made. Thank you for noticing and taking full advantage of every time I was mentally broken. Times like those gave you a better opportunity to beat me down with your words. You made most of my middle school, high school, and part of college a living hell, and I still thank you. I do not understand why you received pleasure from my pain, but I prayed for you. I still pray for you. Matthew 7:5 says to remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see more clearly to remove the speck from someone else's eye. I wondered if you had ever heard of this verse. I wondered if you realized you were imperfect like me. For all of those countless nights that I fell asleep with a wet pillowcase on my tired cheek, I thank you. I thank you for all of the false beliefs you drove into my head. For a while I wanted to have your emotions, your heart, your confidence. I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be strong just like you. But, over time i've realized that you really aren't strong at all. You're weak. Any person who receives gratification from hurting other people has a heart as black as they come. So, I began to feel sorry for you. That's why i'm thanking you now, because i'm the strong one. Thanks to you.
It was you and your degrading words and hateful, selfish actions that pushed me further into the arms of my family, to the shoulder of a true friend, and to church. Out of everything in my life, I can honestly say that you've changed me the most. I hope that you can sleep well at night knowing that over the years you've been testing me. You've tested my patience, battered my self respect, and challenged my confidence. Little do you know, you've been polishing me. You've been perfecting me. You've made me feel more beautiful, strong, and happy than i've ever felt before, and for that I thank you. Life wouldn't have been quite the same without you.
I hope you've realized by now that your work with me is complete. There's nothing else in me that you could possibly get your hands on. Maybe some day your heart will change, and you'll realize how wrong you've been all this time. Just know that I've always prayed for you. I still pray for you. And you'll never, ever break me again.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."