Thursday, April 25, 2013

People Aren't Lists

As most of you already know, I recently did a survey to find out what specific things (inwardly and outwardly) attract males and females to the opposite sex. I honestly didn't expect to get as many responses as I did, and they were pretty interesting. Here are some of the results:

What attracts Females to Males:
Outer (Physical Appearance)- 
Good Smile (15)
Pretty Eyes (10)
In Shape (8)
Tall (6)
Good Hair (3)
Facial Hair (2)
Tan (1)
Inner (Personality)- 
Good sense of Humor/Can make me laugh (19)
 Godly (11)
Responsible (8)
Outgoing (6)
Kind (6)
Intelligent (4)
Romantic (3)
Selfless (2)
Not controlling (2)
Country Boy (1)

What attracts Males to Females:
Outer (Physical Appearance)-
Good Smile (11)
Pretty Eyes (8)
Good Hair (4)
Cute Butt (3)
Nice Legs (2)
Blonde hair (2)
"Doesn't matter as long as attraction is there" (2)
Inner (Personality)- 
Good sense of Humor/Can make me laugh (11)
Confident (9)
Godly woman (7)
Intelligent (5)
Laid Back (4)
Not Fake (3)
Country girl (3)
Not afraid to be herself (2)

So, as you can tell, girls and guys are both attracted mostly to people with good smiles and the ability to make others laugh. But the truth is, even if someone has a good smile, and makes you laugh.. you're going to find something wrong with them. These two qualities alone aren't going to persuade you to date someone. So, let's say someone happens to have an incredible smile and is the most hilarious person you've ever met, but they have chronic acne and scars or thin brittle hair or they aren't really outgoing or they have an annoying laugh. They may have a few of your "qualifications", but their features on your "turn off" list will completely cancel out their perks. For example, say you're a girl.. and you meet a guy. He has this awesome personality, beautiful blue eyes, he's muscular, he loves the Lord, and he's not controlling. This same guy smiles and he has messed up teeth that are a slight shade of yellow, and occasional bad breath. BAM! You forgot about all of those other things as soon as I said that, didn't you?! Or let's say you're a guy, and you meet this sweet southern girl with a gorgeous perfect $5,000 smile, she's confident, she's sweet, but she's overweight and isn't very smart. Now, you not only have a qualifications list.. you have a turn off list as well. The truth is, we're too picky. If a guy treats you perfect, is a man of God, but doesn't look like a Calvin Klein model.. give him a chance. If a girl is an absolute sweetheart with a good head on her shoulders and a woman of God, but doesn't look like the girls in the Victoria's Secret magazine, give her a chance. People can surprise you, and you'd be shocked to see that what you thought you wanted.. actually isn't what you need. 

After asking everyone else what attracts them to the opposite sex, I got the same question several times. They would tell me their response, and then ask "Well what about you, Hope? What makes you attracted to a guy?" The truth is, I don't have a list. Everyone makes all of these lists in their heads about what they want in a lover. Like brown hair and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart. A sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. This and that. And it's all complete crap. Because people aren't lists. People shouldn't be compared to mental lists. I've always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that. I want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person I am, and I want to show them what they didn't even know they were looking for. People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves. Nobody really knows what or who they want; not until it's right in front of them. 

"who are you, 
you are not a name
or a height, or a weight
or a gender
you are not an age
and you are not where you are from

you are your favorite books
and the songs stuck in your head
you are your thoughts
and what you prefer for breakfast 
on saturday mornings

you are a thousand things
but everyone chooses
to see the million things 
that you are not"

"That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfast cereal based on color instead of taste." -John Green

People are not their bra size, nor are they the width of their waist, nor are they the slenderness of their calves. They are not their hair color, their skin color, or a shade of lipstick. Their shoe size is of no consequence. They should NOT be defined by the amount of attention they get from males, females, or any combination thereof. People are not the number of sit-ups they can do, nor are they the number of calories they consume in a day. 

You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the amount of attention you get from the opposite sex, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful NOT for the shape of your vessel, but for the volume of soul it carries. 

I think you could fall in love with anyone if you got to see the parts of them that no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around for a day and saw them crying in their bed or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich. Or you saw the way they look when they wakeup and they've forgotten their surroundings. Or you saw the gasp they make when their favorite character dies in a movie. I think, after seeing someone at their most vulnerable moments.. you wouldn't be able to help falling in love with them.
So, forget your list. Be open minded. Enjoy the person that's in front of you. Give someone a chance that you normally wouldn't. Because people aren't lists

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