1. You're too easy.
I want you to stop and think about an analogy for a second. Let's say that you have this guy; let's name him John. John has this huge apple tree in his backyard. He goes outside to pick the best possible apple to have with his breakfast. The apples on the bottom are so easy to reach. In fact, there are a few already on the ground, so convenient! However, the apples that are easy to reach have been stepped on, rotted, or just don't look near as appetizing as the apples at the top of the tree. John knows that getting those delicious apples at the top of the tree will take some work (and maybe even a ladder!) but it'll be worth it when he picks it.John is the guy. You are the apple.
The underlying message to my lame story is that no guy wants something that's easy to get. If he does, it's only for one night and he won't remember your name the next day unless it's to ask you for a grilled cheese sandwich before he walks out. The girls who give it up on the first date: you're the ground apples. Easy to get, but not quite worth the commitment or effort. However, if you hold off and play a little hard to get, you'll start seeing a change. Playing hard to get is a little difficult at times because you have to create a balance. If you play TOO hard to get, he's going to be like "mmkay this is impossible and i've tried everything.. next!" Don't be needy or too gushy, don't ba-zing his phone with a new text message every 5 minutes, and don't give in to last minute dates or late night booty calls. BUT, don't be too stand-offish either. You have to be interested but not too interested. Most of all: be mysterious! Don't show him your cup size on the first date. Less is more. Be the beautiful, red, ripe apple at the top of the tree. Make him put in some effort, but most of all be worth the effort. Be a lady! No guy is going to put in a ridiculous amount of effort, dates, and money for a girl who has slept with half of the city or parades her body parts around like she's for sale. He will buy you.. but only for a night. If you've seen the movie "Love and Other Drugs" and noticed how Anne Hathaway's character wanted nothing to do with Jake Gyllenhaal, which made him want her and chase her even more... it isn't just in the movies. It's real life, too.
One of my favorite quotes relating to modesty is by Emma Watson. She's such a doll and one of the most desired females in the United States. So, here's a little tip from Ms. Emma Watson:
"I find the whole concept of being 'sexy' embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me- dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there's the choice of the clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that's not me. I feel uncomfortable. I'd never go out in a mini-skirt. Personally, I don't actually think it's even that sexy. What's sexy about saying, 'I'm here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything i've got?' My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal, the more people can wonder."
2. Your priorities are out of whack.
Before you even begin to date someone, you should have a plan. I date to marry. You should too. If this guy sees that you'd rather go out and get wasted at a club instead of study for a test or wake up on time for work the next day, he's going to be a little iffy about possibly spending his life with you. You need to get your priorities straight. Also, values are a huge thing when it comes to relationships. If he sees that yourself, material things, and what others think about you are the things that matter most to you, he's going to run in the opposite direction. Selfishness isn't pretty. It's actually super unattractive. Your religion, job, family, school, work, others' needs, and your relationship should be top priorities. There's no room to build a future with you when you're too busy being consumed in all of your material possessions.
3. You're dumbing yourself down.
I see this kind of thing on a daily basis. I'll never understand why females choose to act like ditzy idiots in front of guys. Do you think it makes him like you more? You know, you're exactly right. He's thinking: "Wow, this girl acts so stupid and I love it! I wonder where i'm going to bring her for date number two." Being smart does not make you too powerful for a guy. Intelligence is beautiful. Embrace the awesome, nerdy brain that you were blessed with and rock it! If you act dumb, you're going to attract guys that like dumb women because they're insecure themselves. Sometimes being an intelligent girl is hard, but that's okay. Some men may not be able to handle a smart and successful woman like you, but that's their problem, don't let it become yours by selling yourself short. Being powerful is one thing. Being TOO powerful is another. The modern day feminist movement is too obnoxious and annoying for most guys. If you need tips in this area, visit my other post Five Reasons Why Modern Day Feminism is No Good
4. You gossip too much or have a mouth like a sailor.
If you haven't noticed already, guys aren't big into drama. When you get in the car for a date and the first thing you start spilling out to him is every detail of your conversation with some girl and how she said this about her and the other girl did this and that to her boyfriend and blah blah blah.. it's going to go in one of his ears and out the other. Guys hate drama queens, cattiness, and gossip. They love chill girls. The drama queens are usually the jealous and insecure women-which (surprise!) are both highly unattractive features to men. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
As for the cursing thing, the way you present yourself and speak when around others says a lot about you. Choose your words wisely. If the guy is into foul-mouthed ladies, go right ahead. My experience is that excessive swearing is a huge turn off.. for both sexes.
5. He just isn't physically attracted to you.
No matter how many shades you dye your hair, how tan you become, or how much you whiten your teeth, his lack of attraction to you may never change. That's okay! It doesn't mean that you did something wrong or that you just aren't pretty enough. Some guys are only attracted to one type of girl and don't budge. I dated a guy once who told me he only liked short skinny blondes with blue eyes. I was like "woah.. that really narrows down your options don't you think?" In most guys, it's something that won't change. Don't try to! Find someone who loves you for you. Some guy is going to love your hair color and fair skin. This goes to the whole "changing yourself for a guy" section. Don't change everything about your appearance to try and attract someone's attention. Hygiene, however, is something that you can change. Guys aren't huge fans of bad breath, body odor, and greasy hair. Just my opinion, though.
6. You're changing too much about yourself.
This is going to be a hard pill for some to swallow, but if you're having to change who you are in order to be with someone, you're going after the wrong person. If a guy loves football and you've never really watched it, it's okay to grow into it and learn to love it. However, going home and googling everything there is to know about the New Orleans Saints so that you can pretend you know everything about his favorite football team is just embarrassing. Just be yourself, and be honest. Tell him your hobbies, let him see your quirks, and let him feel the honesty that comes with your genuine laughter and your true personality. Fixing your quirks for someone just sucks, and it's so exhausting. Because guess what? He has quirks too. He's remaining the same person while you're trying to melt and mold to better fit with him. Stop it! I can't say this enough: be yourself! The person you're meant to be with will love all of you, every bit of you. Along with all of your insecurities, quirks, and weird habits.Take me for example; I have to check every inch of my sheets, comforter, and pillows for spiders every night before I go to sleep. I do it every night. Every. Single. Night. Some people may think that's totally weird, and those aren't the types of people I want to date.. because I think it's perfectly okay to be paranoid of going to bed with an 8-legged miniature satan. I'm an arachnophobic, I bite my cheeks when i'm nervous or deep in thought, I don't understand football and half of the terms that go with it, and I laugh at some of the most inappropriate times, but i'm not ashamed to tell you that on the first date. Be open! Be you! Don't hide your true (lovable) self in the shadows behind this fake "cookie-cutter" girlfriend you're trying to create. You cannot convince people to love you. No one will ever give you love because you want them to give it. Real love moves freely. Don't waste your time trying to force it by changing who you are. Chances are, who you are naturally is so much more beautiful than you imagined.
XOXO,
Hope Rodriguez
